“Life is comin' at me fast, keep my Bible on the dash” -Beyoncé
All in graduate school
My theory is that I know that when I sit down and start to work on these tasks, I will have to sacrifice something and even with that sacrifice, there is no guarantee of success. Basically, I am afraid of failure. And If I were to dig even deeper into that phrase, I would realize I am more scared of what would happen if I do not fail.
I viewed getting into therapy as life or death. I had previously struggled with suicidal thoughts before I was formally diagnosed, so I knew that if I didn't get the help I would most likely follow those thoughts. That was way scarier to confront than the thought of going to therapy. It really is humbling to realize you truly don't have a handle on your thoughts and you need some guidance with them. I had to realize that did not make me less of a person; however, it made me a stronger person.
In fact, I have been having to work extra hard to get over my current depressive state and be able to function. It is the end of the semester, which means I have quite a few deadlines. So with deadlines, I must be able to complete the task; meaning, a depressed Joy is not a productive Joy. So I had to think of ways that would help with my personal depression and mood and so I hope these 5 things help you as well. (outside of going to therapy)
I know that I am not the only one who looks at their to-do list and just decides to NOT do a damn thing on it and continue to tell yourself "one more episode wont hurt." And you know that your binge-watching sessions are probably the main reason you are overwhelmed.
To my dismay, this professor did not have much to offer. The only thing he told me was "When I read your paper, it sounded like you do not know how to speak English!" These words crushed me. Me?! Not know how to speak English???!! I literally thought to myself while I was sitting in their office: What the actual fuck did he say to me?!
The learning curve in graduate school is so high that an Olympic pole vaulter could not even get over it without years of practice. But somehow I was supposed to clear the curve, make new friends, workout, and get eight hours of sleep per night. What is balance? My ass just kept ordering Chipotle and tried to keep my head above water in my classes.
